Archives for June 2011

Hi all,
It’s been a few days so I thought I would check in. So, it is finally happening. My hair is beginning to fall out. It started yesterday just a little bit but today it has been coming out a lot. I am finding my hair everywhere. It is stuck on my shirt, on the counters, on my pillows, etc. This morning in the shower a clump of hair fell out. Then tonight when I put my purse over my shoulder the strap grabbed my hair (like it sometimes does) only this time I looked down and there was yet another chunk under my purse strap. To me, as part of this process, losing my hair doesn’t make me anonymous anymore. It shows the world what I am going through. It’s taking away a piece of me that was given to me at birth. I never wanted any of this and to take away my hair when I am feeling so much better and energized from the chemo is just another blow to have to deal with. I can’t help but cry over this. I have always said that no matter what I will do whatever I need to do and that attitude has not changed. I am ready for this as much as I ever will be. Right now I pray for the strength on Friday to endure having my head shaved and I pray for the strength of my friends joining me at my appointment. I know in my heart that I will feel a lot better after getting my head shaved and getting my wig. This time beforehand is tough but yet another hurdle that I will get through.

On a bright note I am feeling a lot better and I still have another week before I get chemo round #2. Other than some fatigue I am feeling back to normal. On Monday evening I took the kids to their elementary school playground. The weather was gorgeous that night and it felt great to be alive! Then last night I got to watch Jacob play in his baseball game. Today was a busy day visiting with some family and friends. And tomorrow night I am hoping to go watch a swim meet where I will get to see my Ansley swim in a meet for the first time. This will be her third meet, the first one I am able to attend. Please no hugs if you see me as I am doing my best to stay clear of germs.

My Mom flew back home to Virginia today for some relaxation and scheduled doctor appointments. She returns Monday and my Dad returns Wednesday just in time for treatment #2 of 6.

Love,
Kim

Yay, I made it through the weekend! Yesterday was probably the worst day. This weekend I felt like I was in the first trimester of pregnancy and on top of that yesterday I felt like I had the flu (you know the body aches / can’t get comfortable type). I woke up this morning feeling better than I did yesterday morning so that is a great sign. I have not had any problems with sustaining my weight. My stomach feels more settled to have food in it so I continue to eat. The bland food is pretty boring though.

I was able to get out some over the weekend. Jacob had three soccer games and my Dad and I watched them while sitting in his car away from the sun and heat. I am so glad I got to see those games and watch him score two goals in the last game.

I was given another surprise yesterday from many of you. Allen spent all weekend long putting together a playlist of Kim’s Crew song requests that many of you passed along to me for inspiration. I was so touched by this. Thank you so much. I so far have many, many favorites and only have just begun to listen to them all. One of the first songs on there “I Will Survive” stuck out to me along with many others. Even Ansley’s request of Justin Beiber’s “Never Say Never” was so touching!

I was doing some thinking the other day. From the time I first noticed the lump until when I will be completely done with this whole process will be nine months. I carried both Jacob and Ansley for nine months each and was pretty miserable with pregnancy side effects. I guess I am now carrying a “chemo baby”. And just like I carried them for nine months to give them life I am now doing the same for myself.

I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day weekend. I know I feel so blessed to have spent mine with both my husband and dad.

It’s been almost 24 hours now since my first chemo treatment. I don’t want to jinx myself but so far I am feeling pretty good. I hear day #3 is usually the worst so for those that will be in church on Sunday please say an extra prayer for me. Other than some tiredness and hand/ankle swelling that I had yesterday I felt for the most part pretty well. I am drinking a ton of water so that is helping to flush the drugs out of my body.

This afternoon I head back to the cancer center to get a shot in my arm which will help my white blood cell count not drop as low and come back up higher quicker. I thanked the doctor for saying he would like to give me the shot because my kids seem to bring home viruses left and right and even a cold could put me down pretty bad when you don’t have many white blood cells to fight off infections. Day 7 is when my white blood count will lower and then it will increase pretty rapidly as each day goes by. The side effect is bad bone pain. Doc said I can use my leftover narcotics from my recent surgery to help fight the pain.

I have a full supply of side effect medication. It is hard to keep track of what I need to take and when. I have never been a medicine person so this is all new to me. The anti-nausea medicine (Zofran) seems to be helping the most as well as the steriod I am on temporarily. I also have special mouthwash to help with dry mouth, canker sore meds if I get mouth sores, constipation meds, etc. My counter looks like a drug store!

Beautiful day here in Aurora. I plan to enjoy it very much!

Love,
Kim

Today has been a rough day for me. I have been tender sore all day. It is just basically uncomfortable to breath in or move around much. I am surprised by the amount of tenderness and pain from getting the port implanted. When I look at the area it just grosses me out. I think it grosses me out for two reasons 1) I can see it sticking underneath my skin and 2) I know that it means chemo is around the corner. I was hoping to be more mobile with more energy following the surgery but I am not and this is frustrating to me. I feel that I have a few days left before chemo and I wanted to enjoy the days, not being couped up at home uncomfortable and exhausted. Oh well. There is nothing I can do about it. I think if the sun were to shine today my spirits would feel better. Here’s hoping to a better day tomorrow.

Monday morning my Mom and I will be attending a chemo education class at the hospital. My Dad arrives Wednesday night and will be here along with Mom for a week and a half to help out. One of Allen’s biggest work weeks will be the week after my first chemo treatment and so both my parents will be here with me and the kids. The kids activities don’t stop just because their mother has breast cancer. I am glad Allen will be there with me during my chemo treatments. He has been there by my side every step of the way.

Love,
Kim

Well, the results from my tumor Oncotype DX test came in last Friday. Got the results as I was walking to school to pick up my kids. So, if you saw me crying at school last Friday that was why. I am in the intermediate risk category for having a recurrence. Closer to the low side versus the high side so that’s good. My risk for a recurrence is 14%. I want this number to be lower so my decision is sealed. I will be starting chemotherapy next Thursday, June 16 at 9:00 a.m. This Thursday I will have the surgery to get my port inserted. The port will be installed in my chest and this is where they will be giving me my drugs as well as drawing blood from. Today my Mom and I toured the chemo treatment area. It helped me to see where I will be spending my next few months. Today, I also visited my primary care physician. I caught a bad cold last week and thought I would get it checked out now in case it was more than a virus. After getting a round of chest x-rays it was confirmed it is just a virus. Hope I am better before Thursday.

I wanted to pass along some wisdom from Jacob, my 8 year old. He asked me last Friday if I got good news. I told him no, my test scores did not come back low. He knew this meant chemo. He then asked if I was scared and I said yes. He then said “remember how when you first found out about this how scared you were and you cried?”. I said, yes. “Well, as soon as you knew you were going to have surgery you were happy because they were going to get it out of you. I bet it will be the same with chemo. Once you get closer to chemo you will be happy because you will be doing something so it won’t come back again.”. I stared at him in amazement about how wise he was and told him “you are exactly right Jacob. Thank you for saying that. You are so right.”. He had no idea how much strength he gave me that day. I haven’t cried since.

Love,
Kim