Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Okay, so now I am terrified. I met with the Oncologist today. My results aren’t back yet for the recurrence risk test but based on the information my doctor has to date he thinks I will not fall in the low risk category but most likely the intermediate risk category. This is his prediction and I won’t know for sure until the results come back (est June 4). If I happen to fall into the low risk category I will not need chemotherapy. If I fall in the intermediate/high risk category I will receive chemo. The chemo conversation today was frightening and the 10 year survival graph comparing with or without treatment options was scary to say the least. We were not talking about someone else today. We were talking about me.

Basically, I will need 6 rounds of chemo spaced three weeks apart. Why would I need chemo if my lymph nodes were clear you may ask? The doctor referred to it as insurance. To make sure any tiny particle of cancer that may have broken loose will be destroyed. I am young and in great health. The benefits outweigh the risks. That is what he says. I believe him. He has told me I will lose my hair, my mouth and all food will taste like cardboard, and I will be fatigued and nauseous. I keep reminding myself that he is still talking about me. I feel so healthy and great. Not for long. Oh yeah, and the kicker to all of this? I will have a port surgically implanted in my chest wall where they will feed me the drugs since my veins on my good arm will not be able to handle it all. It took my wrist three weeks to heal from one IV from my surgery!

Oh yeah, and after the chemotherapy ends I will then start my six weeks of radiation.

All of this just sucks. That is the best word I can use to describe this situation. Now, I look forward to Christmas because then I will be finally done getting my body abused. The next six months will be the longest of my life but it will be so worth it.

I see a shopping trip to the wig boutique in my near future. And, if I could just figure out a way to fast forward our clocks to December I’d be golden! 

Love,
Kim