Archives for October 2011

Hi friends and family,

Many of you have been asking how I am doing so I figured it would be time for an update. I started radiation this past Monday. I have it in the morning so after the kids get dropped off at school I make my way to the Cancer Center. I will be doing this every Monday – Friday for six weeks. My last day of radiation is set for December 8. Yes! This is 10 days before our 10 year wedding anniversary and 17 days before Christmas. Yahoo!!!!!

The whole radiation thing takes two minutes and is painless. I am laying flat on my back on a very hard table. It is similar to laying on a hard surface like a bedroom dresser. Arms reaching back gripping handles. I asked the technician today if the radiation is turning on when I hear a light vacuum sound. She told me she doesn’t know because she has never been allowed in the room to hear it!! Little comments like that don’t make me feel comfortable. Monday was tough for me. The first day took 20 minutes as they needed to make sure I was lined up properly with the machine so they don’t accidentally radiate my lungs in the process of radiating where my tumor used to be. My neck was in pain from turning my head to the left (the bumpy hard “head rest” didn’t help) and my hands and arms were completely numb from holding them in the position for so long. I was surprised by this day being painful and felt so alone being in that room completely by myself the whole time. The feelings of April/May 2011 came back as I was laying in there seeing my name on the big screen in front of me thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I had breast cancer. What is strange about this thought is that I rarely had the thought during the time I had chemotherapy. Allen was always with me for my chemotherapy and all previous doctor appointments so I never felt alone. And when I was getting the chemo I was in conquer mode because I felt like I was proactively doing something powerful about the disease. Frankly, I felt like I was kicking it’s a$$. Now that chemo is done and there I was laying in that room that is clearly marked do not enter/radiation area I felt some crazy emotions. And when I say crazy emotions I mean I was putting scary thoughts into my head filled with negativity about my own mortality. Whenever I feel the dark cloud entering over my head a good cry and a good talk clears it up and the next day I feel “somewhat normal” again. When I ask Allen if he is sick of hearing me talk so much about BC he says no. I thank God for Allen.

Other than radiation, oh and starting the pill Tamoxifen that I spoke about in an earlier post, I am gaining my energy back a little bit more each day. Today was the first time I was actually able to RUN up our stairs at home to grab something on the second floor and not have my heart race or breathe hard. My “chemo brain” is improving and I am feeling less and less of a fog where I have had many moments where I can’t think straight or remember things. My port surgery incision is healing up nicely and is feeling better each day. My hair continues to slowly grow (it’s maybe 1/2 – 3/4 inch long) and my eyes no longer pour with water. I had lost 50% of my eye lashes and eyebrows and those are starting to grow in as well which is great. My left foot/toes continue to feel numb (not all of the time but enough that I notice it) and I am hoping this goes away in time. I am told the side effects from the radiation (sunburn on area being radiated/fatigue) will begin in a couple of weeks. I am still convinced it cannot be as bad as chemo.

I will end this note with a story about a fortune cookie. My friends and I went to lunch last week. Everyone got a fortune cookie for dessert. I did not want to eat mine and decided to bring it home to Jacob as he had been home sick for two weeks and it would cheer him up. Then I thought like a Mom with two kids and said I cannot give that to Jacob because Ansley might get upset that I didn’t get her one. So, I didn’t give it to either of them and it sat on our bedroom dresser until this past Monday when I was cleaning our room and decided to throw it out I thought to myself, I cannot throw away a fortune cookie without reading the fortune first. That would be awful luck. So, I opened it up and felt a sense of peace. It read “Good health will be yours for a long time.” I don’t know if all of the cookies that day said the same thing but for me I didn’t care because that was my sign for the day that everything is going to be alright.

Love,

Kim

Hello friends and family. It has been three weeks since my last chemotherapy treatment and I am on my upswing! This one took a while and I am not even close to physically feeling back to normal again but I am through the toughest part of the recovery and it can only get better from here. I still have boughts of fatigue, am still anemic, and I am experiencing some numbness in my left foot, but all in all I am doing well. I still cannot believe I am done with all my chemo. I am so thankful. I am also thankful that my hair continues to grow in. I cannot wait to no longer wear wigs and hats. That will be the best!

Tomorrow is the day I get my port removed. I am very happy about tomorrow. This concludes my chapter of chemotherapy. The only reason I had my port was for the chemo. I can now check that off my list. My surgery is scheduled for 10:00 a.m. tomorrow at Edward Hospital. Check in is at 8:30 a.m. I am so thankful Dr. Montana has scheduled me for the morning since I cannot eat or drink anything after midnight tonight. I should be home probably around 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Please say a prayer for me that the surgery goes well.

Last Friday I had all the prep work done for the radiation. I start radiation this coming Monday, Oct 24. I will go five days a week for six weeks so I should be done by the second week of December. I don’t know the exact end date yet but that will be one of the first questions I ask on Monday. The radiation area is on the first floor of the Cancer Center. The chemotherapy area is on the 2nd flooor of the Cancer Center. I am so thrilled I no longer will need to climb those stairs.

On Monday I also start a drug called Tamoxifen which I will take once a day for five years. At the end of those five years they are talking about me taking a different drug for another five years and then possibly a third drug for five years after that. The drug will block estrogen in my body. They know that my tumor had been fueled by estrogen so by blocking the estrogen it aids in preventing any future cancers of the breast. I am so blessed to have had two beautiful children when I did because at this point in my life it is no longer possible.

My Mom is still here but will leaving to go home right before Hallloween. She will return around the middle of November since I have been told the last several weeks of radiation will make me fatigued and tender. I am hoping that I gain more physical strenth between now and the time she leaves in October so I can take over the household responsibilities that she has helped me with since April. She has been a huge help!

I described to Allen the other day how I personally feel like a nail that has been pounded a little at a time, over time, into the ground. As I gain physical and emotional strength that nail will slowly rise until it comes out completely. I look forward to the day when I can put that nail in a small box and store it away with all my other memories.

Love,
Kim

It has been one week since I got my last round of chemo drugs. I seem to be doing okay this round, so far. I think what it really is, is that I have this thing down and I know what to expect and so far with this round there have been no surprises. Thank goodness for no surprises!

I wanted to thank all of my local friends here who have helped me this week and who will do so over the next couple of weeks for our family. One of my caregivers (my Mom) was sick this past week with Bronchitis and is just now feeling well enough to help out. My poor Dad who also has felt like he has come down with something has had to do all duties with the house, kids, me, and Mom. My husband has done his part too and I thank him for sleeping on the floor this week so I don’t catch whatever cold he has and so I can get a good night of sleep too. I am not one to come out and ask for help but when I did earlier this week you all helped us so much by bringing us meals and asking if there was anything we needed done or picked up at the store. The meals that you all have made for us has helped our family so much. When I think about all of you who stepped up to ask how you could help it brings tears to my eyes. Our community of friends and family is so giving and each and every one of you have taught me how to be selfless just by watching your pure acts of kindness.

Once I am beyond the bad times with this last round of chemo #6 I know I will gain the strength to feel the positive vibes I have held onto for so long. I promise to live my life in 2012 and beyond better than I have ever lived it before and will continue to be so thankful to each and every one of you who helped me along the way with encouragement, strength, and perserverance. I love you all.

Love,

Kim