Happy Mother’s Day, 2011
I just want to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day! I am trying to figure out how this website works. I know I enjoyed spending this beautiful sunny day with my family. All the girls wore our purple flowers today at brunch. Afterwards we watched my nephew play ice hockey. I saw two women there wearing Breast Cancer 2010 walk shirts. I love receiving my daily “signs” of hope.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Today I went in and had the pre-surgery bloodwork drawn. I better get used to needles. I still ask the nurse if I can lay down flat when I get poked with a needle. I’m worse than the kids! My Dad flew back to VA today but will return to our house Wednesday night. Dealing with all of this is like a full time job. I am so thankful that Allen takes such good care of our family in so many ways. Talked a lot about what’s going on with my parents today. Feels good to get the anxieties off my chest. Love, Kim
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I just want to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who is helping me through this. I cannot even begin to thank you enough.
I had to tell the kids tonight that we wouldn’t be able to make our annual beach trip in July to Hilton Head because of me and my treatments. It broke my heart when I saw the initial sadness in their eyes. Jacob keeps comparing my upcoming surgeries and treatments to when Allen had his gallbladder removed last September. Thank you Allen for preparing them. 🙂
Tomorrow I will get the call from the hospital telling me what time to report for duty on Thursday morning. The surgery should only last about an hour but the pre-surgery “stuff” might take 2-3 hours. I am looking forward to Thursday afternoon when I will be back home resting in my own bed with the cancer out!
Love,
Kim
PS. Happy birthday to my sister Wendy!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Got my orders. I am to check in at Edward Hospital at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. My surgery doesn’t begin until 10:00 a.m.. I will spare you the gory details about what I will be doing during those four hours inbetween. If all goes well I should be discharged by 2:00 p.m..
Tomorrow is the day I find out if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. I won’t know until I wake up from surgery if this is the case. This is what scares me the most.
On a lighter note, today we had severe storms in the Chicago area. My friend Anne was driving home on the interstate around that time and out her left she said it was dark and scary and on the right it was bright and sunny. And then she said she saw this HUGE brilliant rainbow. That rainbow was out the entire ride home she said. Thank you Anne for my sign today. I couldn’t have asked for a better one.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Surgery was a success. My lymph nodes were negative/ free of cancer. God answered my prayers and everyone else’s too. I am home resting with no pain at the moment. Thank goodness for pain meds. I told Allen that today was the best day of my life!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I am home recovering well. After spending the first night home without much sleep because I was in pain, I made sure last night I took the maximum amount of painkiller meds. I slept so good last night. I am surprised by my back pain. They must have shifted me around a lot during surgery. I took the ace bandage off last night. I have to tell you the doctor did a pretty good job. Today my goal is to take a shower. I am tired of smelling like the hospital. Allen and Jacob picked me out a chair to sit in. I am a wimp when it comes to pain and don’t want to pass out in the shower.
Thank you to everyone who has brought by or sent flowers, balloons, food, cards, etc. Believe me, it helps me so much to know there are so many people cheering me on. The Facebook profile purple flowers have touched me so much. It makes me feel that I am not alone.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!
Love,
Kim
Monday, May 16, 2011
Another success today. I was able to shower and get dressed by myself today without any help. Yay! Each day I have less and less pain. It’s amazing how strong my left hand/arm are becoming (I am a righty and have limited mobility,)
I am scheduled to go visit my surgeon on Thursday afternoon for my followup. I believe he will remove my stitches and check things out. He should also have my pathology report which includes things like tumor size and other “stuff” which will help them determine my treatment plan. After surgery my surgeon estimated my tumor to be approx 2 cm give or take some. Size of a quarter! Surgery was tough and unfortunately this is only the beginning for me. Staying strong! 🙂
Love,
Kim
Thursday, May 19, 2011
One week after surgery and I just got some great news from my surgeon today at my follow up appt. My tumor was measured at only 1.3 cm! Yahoo! They had estimated based on other tests to be between 1.4-2.5 cm. The pathology report also confirmed lymph node negative and all margins are clear which means my surgeon removed all my cancer surrounding the tumor. They staged my breast cancer at Stage IA. The only stage before mine is stage 0. There are 7 stages after mine. (stages are 0, IA, IB, IIA, IIB, IIIA, IIIB, IIIC, and IV.). Everyday I am so thankful that I found this lump myself and that I took immediate action.
The chemotherapy question is still up in the air and will be decided after I meet with my Oncologist in two weeks. There is another test that will need to be done to determine my level of risk for recurrence. Based on the results of this test and me being young will help the doctor and I determine if chemotherapy would be beneficial. Right now I am estimating a 50% chance of needing chemo. Regardless, I will still need six weeks of radiation and will be taking the drug Tamoxifen for the next five years.
The doctor removed my dressings today. I feel better already. He wants me to start using my right arm. I have been babying the arm until now. He also told me to start walking some to get things going again. He said the arm tingy feeling I am getting sometimes can last up to four months. My stitches will dissolve. The incision site near my armpit (where the doc took out my sentinel nodes for testing) hurts more than my breast incision site. He said this is to be expected.
As I sit here and wonder what will happen to me over the coming years like…will this come back and if it does will it come back even worse… I give thanks to God for watching over me today and during this journey. I will freak myself if I ask myself the what if questions so for today I will celebrate being cancer free today!
Love,
Kim
Monday, May 23, 2011
Hello friends and family. I wanted to give you an update with how I am doing. I am feeling stronger and stronger both mentally and physically. Over the weekend I got out for the first time but by 4:00 p.m. I felt like I had been run over by a truck. Today, I rested and have a lot more energy tonight. I drove today for the first time in 11 days!! Today, I was able to take the kids to school and then to their after school activities. The normalcy feels great! Today was the first day I did not take pain medication.
My next doctor appt is this coming Friday where I will meet with the Radiation Oncologist to discuss radiation treatments. She came highly recommended to me by two gals I know that recently finished their treatments with her.
Today, while I was talking about my surgery and upcoming treatments with the kids, Jacob told me how scary this all must be for me and he told me how brave I am. I told him if he was faced with something like this that I know he too would be so extremely brave. He stopped in the middle of us talking and put his hands together and silently prayed. He told me his prayer was that “you would score low on that test (recurrence risk test) and that you would not need chemotherapy.” Ansley says if I need chemo I should get a long haired blonde wig if I lose my hair. I love these kids!!!!! 🙂
Love,
Kim
Saturday, May 28, 2011
I met with the Radiation Oncologist yesterday. This is the doctor at the Cancer Center that will oversee my radiation treatments. She was super nice and caring. She took the time to explain the whole process to me and was patient in answering all kinds of questions. I only cried once while there when she asked if I had kids and wanted to know their ages. She then talked about down the road the types of medication I will need take and the impact on the ovaries. I don’t really know what all the medications are and that will be a question for my Medical Oncologist meeting which is scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon. The days I meet with my doctors are always emotional days for me. My emotions just pour open. The last test (recurrence risk test) I am waiting for won’t have the results back until June 4. At that time I should know for sure the chemo question. Regardless, whatever my treatments will be should most likely begin June 13, the day before Jacob turns 9.
The area that was operated on is feeling better day by day. I have started stretching exercises at home on my right arm. I am determined to not have to be sent to physical therapy to gain the motion back in my arm. The simple task of lifting my right arm above my head has been challenging to this point. My incision site is healing up great.
My mom returned home today to VA. She plans to return back to Chicago the week of June 6 so she can be around when my treatments begin. The kids get out of school June 7 so the extra help will be greatly appreciated.
I just wanted to mention again how much I appreciate all of the meals, cards, flowers, etc. I also read and re-read my care pages on a regular basis. Between the cards and care pages I have a lot of positive people around me so if I feel sad or down I just read these again and they lift my spirits tremendously. It is because of you all is why I feel so strong, positive, and upbeat so THANK YOU for standing by my side through this journey.
Love,
Kim
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Okay, so now I am terrified. I met with the Oncologist today. My results aren’t back yet for the recurrence risk test but based on the information my doctor has to date he thinks I will not fall in the low risk category but most likely the intermediate risk category. This is his prediction and I won’t know for sure until the results come back (est June 4). If I happen to fall into the low risk category I will not need chemotherapy. If I fall in the intermediate/high risk category I will receive chemo. The chemo conversation today was frightening and the 10 year survival graph comparing with or without treatment options was scary to say the least. We were not talking about someone else today. We were talking about me.
Basically, I will need 6 rounds of chemo spaced three weeks apart. Why would I need chemo if my lymph nodes were clear you may ask? The doctor referred to it as insurance. To make sure any tiny particle of cancer that may have broken loose will be destroyed. I am young and in great health. The benefits outweigh the risks. That is what he says. I believe him. He has told me I will lose my hair, my mouth and all food will taste like cardboard, and I will be fatigued and nauseous. I keep reminding myself that he is still talking about me. I feel so healthy and great. Not for long. Oh yeah, and the kicker to all of this? I will have a port surgically implanted in my chest wall where they will feed me the drugs since my veins on my good arm will not be able to handle it all. It took my wrist three weeks to heal from one IV from my surgery!
Oh yeah, and after the chemotherapy ends I will then start my six weeks of radiation.
All of this just sucks. That is the best word I can use to describe this situation. Now, I look forward to Christmas because then I will be finally done getting my body abused. The next six months will be the longest of my life but it will be so worth it.
I see a shopping trip to the wig boutique in my near future. And, if I could just figure out a way to fast forward our clocks to December I’d be golden! 🙂
Love,
Kim
Monday, June 6, 2011
Well, the results from my tumor Oncotype DX test came in last Friday. Got the results as I was walking to school to pick up my kids. So, if you saw me crying at school last Friday that was why. I am in the intermediate risk category for having a recurrence. Closer to the low side versus the high side so that’s good. My risk for a recurrence is 14%. I want this number to be lower so my decision is sealed. I will be starting chemotherapy next Thursday, June 16 at 9:00 a.m. This Thursday I will have the surgery to get my port inserted. The port will be installed in my chest and this is where they will be giving me my drugs as well as drawing blood from. Today my Mom and I toured the chemo treatment area. It helped me to see where I will be spending my next few months. Today, I also visited my primary care physician. I caught a bad cold last week and thought I would get it checked out now in case it was more than a virus. After getting a round of chest x-rays it was confirmed it is just a virus. Hope I am better before Thursday.
I wanted to pass along some wisdom from Jacob, my 8 year old. He asked me last Friday if I got good news. I told him no, my test scores did not come back low. He knew this meant chemo. He then asked if I was scared and I said yes. He then said “remember how when you first found out about this how scared you were and you cried?”. I said, yes. “Well, as soon as you knew you were going to have surgery you were happy because they were going to get it out of you. I bet it will be the same with chemo. Once you get closer to chemo you will be happy because you will be doing something so it won’t come back again.”. I stared at him in amazement about how wise he was and told him “you are exactly right Jacob. Thank you for saying that. You are so right.”. He had no idea how much strength he gave me that day. I haven’t cried since.
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Today I went wig shopping with my friend Melanie. I have to say I am pretty excited with what I picked out. I got a real hair wig that will match my current style and color. This wig will arrive in two weeks. No blonde or red hair for me. Sticking to what looks more like Kim. I also purchased something called a halo. It is hair (my color) that is only on the sides but the top is bald. You then wear really cute hats on top to hide the bald spot. I will post pictures soon. My six year old daughter Ansley loved trying on the halo and hats when I got home.
I just heard from the hospital. My port surgery is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon at 2:15. I should be out of there by 4-5. I need to report to the hospital at 12:45 pm. I am going to be starved tomorrow night as I cannot eat solids after midnight tonight and only have until 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning to drink clear liquids.
I stayed up late last night reading the book about what to expect with chemotherapy. Needless to say I didn’t sleep very well. But this morning I got to bring the kids to their first swim team practice. The sun felt awesome! I treasure this time with the kids before my treatment begins.
Love,
Kim
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Today I had my surgery and had the port put in. I am bruised and sore and glad to be home. I checked into the hospital at 12:45 and had my half hour surgery at 4:00 and was home around 6:30. You will never believe this but I had the most peaceful dream during surgery that my spirit was in the middle of a garden of beautiful purple flowers on a beautiful summer day with a light breeze swaying the tall flowers. What an impact these Kim’s Crew purple flowers have made in my life! In recovery I woke up and was confused when I saw Allen in the room and was wondering why he was in the operating room with me. I quickly realized I was in recovery and he laughed as I was slurring my words. The doc told me no baths for two weeks. Showers are good but no baths. My bath has always been the most relaxing part of my day.
When we pulled into our driveway coming home from the hospital our driveway and sidewalk were outlined in purple pinwheels. It was such an amazing sight. Thank you Melanie and Mishelle for letting the kids share in with your generosity. The sight brought tears of happiness to my eyes. My friends and family make me feel so loved and not forgotten.
Even though this surgery was easier than my last one it was still a surgery where I was put to sleep and cut open with a gift left inside. It was a big deal to me. A big impact for me today was when I was leaving recovery in my wheelchair to head home. The nurse said “good luck Kim. We’ll see you at the end of the summer for a more joyous occasion” (when I go back in and have the port removed once chemo is finished.). That will be a surgery to celebrate I thought as I was wheeled past the Women’s Imaging department where it all began just two short months ago.
I thought of all my friends today. The nurse who pushed me down to the operating room was asking me all kinds of questions about how I found my lump, etc. She told me one of her very good friends was just diagnosed with breast cancer after finding a lump which she thought was nothing. The nurse said even though she’s a nurse she was having a hard time helping her friend through this. I told her about all of you and how many of you had mammograms done that were over due after my diagnosis.
Time to turn in. My pain meds just kicked in for the night. Next big milestone will be next Thursday with chemo treatment #1.
Love,
Kim
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Today has been a rough day for me. I have been tender sore all day. It is just basically uncomfortable to breath in or move around much. I am surprised by the amount of tenderness and pain from getting the port implanted. When I look at the area it just grosses me out. I think it grosses me out for two reasons 1) I can see it sticking underneath my skin and 2) I know that it means chemo is around the corner. I was hoping to be more mobile with more energy following the surgery but I am not and this is frustrating to me. I feel that I have a few days left before chemo and I wanted to enjoy the days, not being couped up at home uncomfortable and exhausted. Oh well. There is nothing I can do about it. I think if the sun were to shine today my spirits would feel better. Here’s hoping to a better day tomorrow.
Monday morning my Mom and I will be attending a chemo education class at the hospital. My Dad arrives Wednesday night and will be here along with Mom for a week and a half to help out. One of Allen’s biggest work weeks will be the week after my first chemo treatment and so both my parents will be here with me and the kids. The kids activities don’t stop just because their mother has breast cancer. I am glad Allen will be there with me during my chemo treatments. He has been there by my side every step of the way.
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I cannot believe what I saw tonight. Just like the night before my surgery how we had rain/sun and my friend Anne saw a huge brilliant rainbow… This evening once again it was raining with the sun shining away and what did I see out our front door – but a huge beautiful rainbow! It is the night before my chemotherapy starts and I see this rainbow. What a great sign from God. I feel peace.
Tonight I took my pre-chemo steroids. They are to prepare my body for tomorrow’s drugs.
My Dad arrived today. We had fun going to our usual restaurant with them for lunch today.
I am as ready as I will ever be. Jacob was right. I do feel happy that I am now doing something so the cancer won’t come back again. Let’s get this started. 9:00 a.m. tomorrow. I should be home in the early afternoon. Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and gifts.
Love,
Kim
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I am home now from the chemo. Feeling a little tired but overall feel great, so far. The process went well. Had a great private room that overlooked a flower garden, waterfall, and putting green. It was quiet there with only a few others getting their chemo at the same time. I came home to the purple pinwheels lining our sidewalk and driveway today and a huge purple flower on our garage door. I didn’t cry today until I came home and saw that scene. Tears of joy! Then I came inside and saw this amazing huge banner hanging in our family room that has a big purple flower in the middle with a ton of kind words from a lot of you. You all continue to amaze me. You all give me so much strength. I am so lucky to have you all as my friend. Thank you so much.
Love,
Kim
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Friday, June 17, 2011
It’s been almost 24 hours now since my first chemo treatment. I don’t want to jinx myself but so far I am feeling pretty good. I hear day #3 is usually the worst so for those that will be in church on Sunday please say an extra prayer for me. Other than some tiredness and hand/ankle swelling that I had yesterday I felt for the most part pretty well. I am drinking a ton of water so that is helping to flush the drugs out of my body.
This afternoon I head back to the cancer center to get a shot in my arm which will help my white blood cell count not drop as low and come back up higher quicker. I thanked the doctor for saying he would like to give me the shot because my kids seem to bring home viruses left and right and even a cold could put me down pretty bad when you don’t have many white blood cells to fight off infections. Day 7 is when my white blood count will lower and then it will increase pretty rapidly as each day goes by. The side effect is bad bone pain. Doc said I can use my leftover narcotics from my recent surgery to help fight the pain.
I have a full supply of side effect medication. It is hard to keep track of what I need to take and when. I have never been a medicine person so this is all new to me. The anti-nausea medicine (Zofran) seems to be helping the most as well as the steriod I am on temporarily. I also have special mouthwash to help with dry mouth, canker sore meds if I get mouth sores, constipation meds, etc. My counter looks like a drug store!
Beautiful day here in Aurora. I plan to enjoy it very much!
Love,
Kim
Monday, June 20, 2011
Yay, I made it through the weekend! Yesterday was probably the worst day. This weekend I felt like I was in the first trimester of pregnancy and on top of that yesterday I felt like I had the flu (you know the body aches / can’t get comfortable type). I woke up this morning feeling better than I did yesterday morning so that is a great sign. I have not had any problems with sustaining my weight. My stomach feels more settled to have food in it so I continue to eat. The bland food is pretty boring though.
I was able to get out some over the weekend. Jacob had three soccer games and my Dad and I watched them while sitting in his car away from the sun and heat. I am so glad I got to see those games and watch him score two goals in the last game.
I was given another surprise yesterday from many of you. Allen spent all weekend long putting together a playlist of Kim’s Crew song requests that many of you passed along to me for inspiration. I was so touched by this. Thank you so much. I so far have many, many favorites and only have just begun to listen to them all. One of the first songs on there “I Will Survive” stuck out to me along with many others. Even Ansley’s request of Justin Beiber’s “Never Say Never” was so touching!
I was doing some thinking the other day. From the time I first noticed the lump until when I will be completely done with this whole process will be nine months. I carried both Jacob and Ansley for nine months each and was pretty miserable with pregnancy side effects. I guess I am now carrying a “chemo baby”. And just like I carried them for nine months to give them life I am now doing the same for myself.
I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day weekend. I know I feel so blessed to have spent mine with both my husband and dad.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
I wanted to give everyone an update with how I am doing. I am beginning to feel better. I had thought last Sunday was my worst day but I had spoken too soon. The first part of this week was rough, very rough. But I believe I am past it now. I am still achy sore and fatigued but am able to manage through it the best I can.
I went back to the cancer center today and had my blood work drawn to check the important blood counts. The good news is that Neulesta shot I received the day after chemo is working because my white blood counts are higher today than right before I started chemo. They will continue to rise until my next chemo which will be 7/7. The white blood cells are the ones that fight infection so having high counts with these are good. My hemoglobin (red blood cells) count is lower than normal and so are my platelets. But they are “normal” counts expected with someone going through chemotherapy. The way I understand it is the red blood cells carry oxygen to your body and fatigue is a symptom if you are low here. You need higher levels of platelets to stop bleeding if it occurs and if you have lower levels you can bruise easily. I am no doctor but this is how I understand it. I feel good knowing what’s going on inside my body. It puts my mind at ease knowing my numbers.
I got to bring my Dad with me today to the cancer center. That was the first time he got to see where I am being treated. He said it was very nice. Other than myself there was only one other patient there so we had the place to ourself. Well, us and the woman who was playing the harp. A full sized harp and a lady was playing beautiful music for me. The harp is one of my favorite instruments to listen to and watch. It was very special.
In case you are wondering I still have my hair. It has not started falling out yet. My head is beginning to itch but that’s about it. They are predicting it will begin to fall out next week. That is why I have my appt set for July 1 for them to shave my head and fit and style my wig. Emotionally this will be a tough day for me.
I hope all of you are doing well.
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Hi all,
It’s been a few days so I thought I would check in. So, it is finally happening. My hair is beginning to fall out. It started yesterday just a little bit but today it has been coming out a lot. I am finding my hair everywhere. It is stuck on my shirt, on the counters, on my pillows, etc. This morning in the shower a clump of hair fell out. Then tonight when I put my purse over my shoulder the strap grabbed my hair (like it sometimes does) only this time I looked down and there was yet another chunk under my purse strap. To me, as part of this process, losing my hair doesn’t make me anonymous anymore. It shows the world what I am going through. It’s taking away a piece of me that was given to me at birth. I never wanted any of this and to take away my hair when I am feeling so much better and energized from the chemo is just another blow to have to deal with. I can’t help but cry over this. I have always said that no matter what I will do whatever I need to do and that attitude has not changed. I am ready for this as much as I ever will be. Right now I pray for the strength on Friday to endure having my head shaved and I pray for the strength of my friends joining me at my appointment. I know in my heart that I will feel a lot better after getting my head shaved and getting my wig. This time beforehand is tough but yet another hurdle that I will get through.
On a bright note I am feeling a lot better and I still have another week before I get chemo round #2. Other than some fatigue I am feeling back to normal. On Monday evening I took the kids to their elementary school playground. The weather was gorgeous that night and it felt great to be alive! Then last night I got to watch Jacob play in his baseball game. Today was a busy day visiting with some family and friends. And tomorrow night I am hoping to go watch a swim meet where I will get to see my Ansley swim in a meet for the first time. This will be her third meet, the first one I am able to attend. Please no hugs if you see me as I am doing my best to stay clear of germs.
My Mom flew back home to Virginia today for some relaxation and scheduled doctor appointments. She returns Monday and my Dad returns Wednesday just in time for treatment #2 of 6.
Love,
Kim
Friday, July 1, 2011
Wow, today was tough. It started this morning while taking my shower and my hair was just falling out of my head. Then after my shower I brushed my hair and it was just awful how much of my hair once again came out of my head. After getting dressed I kept shedding all the way to the boutique where I received my new wig. The good thing about getting my head shaved today? No more shedding!!! It feels wonderful to no longer be tortured with my hair just sliding off of my head in large number of strands.
At the boutique the hair dresser, Aimee, wasted no time and as soon as I sat down she right away shaved my head. I think she usually faces women with their back to the mirror but I told her I wanted to watch. I wanted to see my head shaved and oh my goodness, it was awful. I cried. I am glad I watched though as I wouldn’t have wanted to miss it. When she shaved off the last bit I cried and cried and I said how awful I looked. In my mind I looked so scary. My friends Melanie and Anne who were with me told me how beautiful I looked. They are such true friends.
It took the lady about 2 minutes to shave my head. Melanie and Anne collected my hair and put the hair in two separate zip lock bags. One for Jacob and one for Ansley. Wouldn’t you know both kids are sleeping with their Mommy’s hair tonight snuggled close to them.
As soon as Aimee was done shaving my head she immediately put on my new “real hair” wig. She then cut and styled it. It’s a little lighter in color than I am used to but I really like it. It looks real. I couldn’t wait to take it off tonight though as it was beginning to itch a little and my scalp is sensitive from the chemo. I cried again when I took it off tonight when I showed Allen. Allen hugged me as he saw how hard it was for me. My kids aren’t ready to see me bald yet. I told them when they are ready to let me know. It will take them some time just like it is taking me time. At home this evening I am wearing a bed cap and they were totally fine seeing me in this. They kept telling me how much they loved me just like they do every night.
I have posted some new pictures of my new wig on my care page photo gallery. When I am brave enough maybe I will post pictures of me in my bed cap but I will probably never post of picture of me bald. This is personal.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and for thinking of me today. I cannot believe the amount of support I continue to receive and the cards I receive and virtual messages too. You all are amazing and so selfless. Thank you for making this world a better place.
Love,
Kim
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Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Well, my friends out did themselves again. This is the week that we were supposed to be soaking up the rays and ocean at Hilton Head Island, SC. Since we couldn’t make it to the beach my friends brought the beach to us! In my friend’s backyard today was water, sand, water slides, beach music, ocean themed cupcakes, water balloon fights, fruit kabobs, sea shells, a painted HIlton Head Island lighthouse, face painting, balloon animals, and tons of drinks and food. My Mom and Dad bought Salty Dog T-shirts for everyone at the party that they had shipped directly from Hilton Head Island. It was a sea of purple since the kids all got purple shirts. My friend’s driveway was outlined in sand buckets displayed in a rainbow color. This was all a surprise to me. The whole experience was amazing and so touching. I was having a rough week with losing my hair, with my upcoming chemo date lurking, and missing a vacation to a place that relaxes me the most – the beach, and my friends just made my week. Thank you so much.
Tomorrow is my second chemotherapy treatment. After this one I will be 1/3 of the way done. I am hoping this next week goes like my first week did after the first round. It was tough but I was able to pull through and actually had about a week and a half to enjoy with my family. My Mom flew in town two days ago and my Dad arrived tonight. It makes me feel good to know that I will be taken care of by so many people. I am ready to get this one done!
I showed the kids my head the day after I had it cut off. Their reactions? Jacob said “well that wasn’t so bad.” and Ansley said “you look just like Shannon who has short hair. It doesn’t look so creepy.” It has taken Jacob a few days to become adjusted to the way I look. He’s being so brave as I would imagine it would be so hard to be a 9 year old boy and see your Mom look so different. You would never know I looked any different with the way Ansley has been treating me. Six year olds are so innocent and great. I asked Allen how he felt to be married to someone that looks like a man right now. He said the only thing he is worried about is how I am feeling. Me having no hair makes no difference to him. I knew there was a reason why I married that guy. 🙂
Love,
Kim
Monday, July 11, 2011
So today (day 4/5)is the day in my treatment cycle when I have a hard time seeing that light at the end of the tunnel. I have been through the nausousness, tiredness, achiness, and intestinal issues. If going by my past treatment history things should get better day by day from here on out but I won’t be feeling much better until about day 10. I will keepmy sights set for those days because feeling how I have been feeling, especially today, has felt pretty isolating. As long as my stomachcooperates with me tomorrow I hope to be able to spend some time downstairswith my family. Thankfully I have kept a pretty detailed journal since round 1 of chemo so Ican almost predict, to the day, withwhat I will be feeling and when. This is assuming all rounds will go the same. All I know is I have 2 chemo’s down and4 to go! Once again, last night during dinner it was raining and then the sun came out. And wouldn’t you know it – we saw another rainbow out our front door. Unbelievable. This sign of hope in a time of despair is magical and is clearly a sign from God to keep going Kim!!
Love,
Kim
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I wanted to let everyone know that I am feeling much better today. I always know I am feeling better when I start to crave pizza. Last night I began to finally feel human again. I described to my parents last night that for the past seven days I felt that I had fallen into a deep well and couldn’t get out and didn’t know if anyone would come rescue me. Pretty depressing huh? The good news is that my dark cloud has lifted and hopefully day by day I will begin to feel better and better. Thank you to everyone who has been checking in on me and helping out with the kids this week and for all of the advice on what to eat and drink, etc. I am following all of the advice. My Dad flew back home to Virginia today and my Mom goes home a week from tomorrow. They both return July 27, the night before treatment #3 of 6. The great news is I am inmy second trimester with my chemo baby. It has beenfour months sinceI discovered the tumorthat no longer exists andin fivemonths I will be done with all my surgeries and treatments. Yay, I am almost halfway there!! Love,Kim
Thursday, July 21, 2011
One more week to go until chemo treatment #3 so I wanted to check in and let everyone know how I am doing. I made it past all of the yucky chemo side effects about 9 days after the last treatment. However, I had to make an unplanned trip to the Cancer Center yesterday to have my blood work drawn. Since Sunday I have been having excessive bleeding from my menstrual cycle. My platelets and red blood count are lower than normal right now and may be causing some of my fatigue but my doctor saysis not a concern at this time. However, starting today and for the next ten days I will be taking Provera to stop my menstrual cycle. (Sorry to the men reading this if that totally grosses you out…)My Mom and the kids joined me yesterday to the Cancer Center where I had my blood drawn. I was excited to take the kids yesterday and show them where I go for my treatments as they had never been there before.Both kidssaid they liked it there. Jacob brought his putter and agolf ball andenjoyed playing golf on the rooftop where I get my treatments and Ansley thought the flowers there were really pretty. Now they will be able to picture the place in their heads when I talk about going there. I just added pictures to the photo gallery from yesterday’s visit.That’s it for now. Going to try to enjoy this next week before my next treatment.
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tomorrow is my next chemotherapy treatment (#3 of 6.) It is hard to believe the time has come already. I pray to God for the courage and strength to get through the next 7-10 days. I know they will not be easy and on some days will be downright hard. I pray that my kids will be in great hands with my family and friends looking after them when I don’t have the strength to do so. I pray that my husband and parents continue to be strong so that on the days that I am not they can carry me through.
The kids and I were talking the other day how school will be starting in just 4 weeks. Jacob was amazed that the summer was going so fast. He told me that time is flying by because he is having so much fun and is having a great summer. (I was so excited to hear this!) He then looked at me and said that my summer must feel like it is going so slow because of all the not fun things I am going through. I told him that wasn’t the case. My fun has been going to watch their swim meets, watching his baseball games, playing games with them, etc… Thanks to my family and friends it sounds like my kids are having a normal summer. Whew!
Last Saturday Jacob swam in his swim team’s conference championship meet. To honor me, his swim coach had Jacob and the three other boys in his medley relay team all wear pink swim caps in their race. I was so touched by this. The boys were easy to spot with their bright pink caps and I felt humbled when I watched them race with all their might.
Tonight we are celebrating Ansley’s 6 1/2 birthday because birthdays are worth celebrating!
Love,
Kim
Friday, July 29, 2011
Yesterday I completed chemotherapy treatment #3. Yay!!!!!!!! I am beginning to see that light at the end of the tunnel. So far I am feeling great. Saturday – Wednesday will be my toughest days so I am enjoying today. I just got home from getting the shot that boosts my white blood cells. That means for the next few days I will be on some pain meds as this shot creates the muscle pains that can feel like the flu.
My red blood count dropped this time around so I am now anemic. Along with the regular drugs I got yesterday I also got a 15 minute bonus drip into my iv of pure dark colored iron. I am also now taking iron supplements and for the next two Thursdays I will be making a trip back to the Cancer Center for blood tests and another 15 min iron drip each of those days. I am so glad my doctor is being proactive. It is great to no longer be out of breath when walking up the flight of stairs in our house.
I came home from my treatment yesterday and my friends had put the purple pinwheels back out on our driveway along with some purple balloons on the mailbox. Also inside there was a beautiful sign on our fireplace that was decorated in purple that said “3 down, 3 to go!” Our fireplace was decorated with purple cray paper with a purple flower in the middle and a bouquet of purple balloons. I love my friends. They are the most thoughtful friends ever.
Love,
Kim
Monday, August 1, 2011
I could really use a pep talk right about now. This is day 4/5 since my last treatment and after doing okay today, tonight is starting to throw me for a loop. This is the time when I don’t trust what’s going on inside my body and a part of me is terrified something inside will fail. Like the little engine that said “I think I can, I think I can” that is what I will say tonight. Please God watch over me tonight and keep me safe and healthy.
Love,
Kim
Friday, August 5, 2011
I went back to the Cancer Center both yesterday and today and had a 15 minute iron drip into my IV both days. My red blood count (hemoglobin) dropped down to 7 yesterday. A week ago it was at 8.3 and two weeks ago it was 10.4. I have been feeling extremely weak, huffing and puffing when walking up stairs, etc. which is a result of my low red count.
This coming Monday morning I will head back to the Cancer Center for another blood test. If my red blood count is still below 8 I will need to have a blood transfusion that morning. There is a chance that with these two iron drips and that my body should start producing red cells on its own perhaps starting tomorrow I may not need a transfusion. I won’t know for sure until they test my blood Monday morning.
Here’s hoping for more energy this weekend and that my body starts producing more red cells on its own again. My white blood and platelet counts look great so that is great news.
Love,
Kim
Monday, August 8, 2011
I think the rainbow I saw last night after our storm was my good sign for today. They tested my red hemoglobin cells and since last Thursday they increased from 7 to 9.1 so I did not need a blood transfusion today. Yay! I did get another 15 minute iron drip and will head back there on Thursday morning to get another iron drip and blood test just to be sure the number continues to climb in the right direction. I am beginning to feel a little stronger each day. Mom went back with me to the cancer center today where I took part in a class on how to put on make on my changing skin. They also demonstrated how to tie scarves and how you can make a scarf using a t-shirt that you can cut up. Interesting stuff and nice people.
This past Saturday was my 39th birthday. I couldn’t believe the amount of cards that arrived for me over this past week in the mail. Today alone I received another 14 cards. Thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes and kind words either thru Facebook, through the mail, or in person. On Saturday my sister’s family came to visit and so did some friends. One of my friend’s brought a party to me. Along with her kids they brought balloons, party hats, flowers and gifts. My uncle made a cd of music for Christmas in July in honor of Kim’s Crew for my birthday. The outside cover had a purple wreath on it. So many of you sent flowers, drew pictures, gave gifts, etc. It was an emotional day for me, especially since my energy levels were so low, and because I was so touched by continued support and love from all of you. Thank you so much!
Love,
Kim
Thursday, August 11
I made another visit to the Cancer Center today. This time my Mom, Ansley, and Jacob accompanied me. Ansley and Mom waited in the waiting room while my very brave 9 year old kept me company and sat with me in the treatment room where I got another Iron drip today. This has been my 5th Iron drip in two weeks. My red blood count increased just slightly from Monday to 9.5. A week ago today it was 7. Monday it was 9.1 and today it is 9.5. To give you perspective a normal red blood count for a person not going through chemotherapy is between 12-16. The good news is I am feeling better and better each day. I am so excited to be getting some of my energy back. During the past couple of days I was able to take my kids to their summer sports and activities and be among all the normal people. I look forward to being one of those normal people in 2012. Next Thursday I will be 2/3 of the way done with chemo. That is one step closer to normal! 🙂
Love,
Kim
Thursday, August 18
Today is my chemo day! In fact, I am sitting in the room right now. They just started me on the premeds so if this update sounds a bit loopy, it is not me but my anti-nausea premeds kicking in. The treatment center is more crowded today so I did not get my favorite room with the view of the waterfall, flowers, and putting green however I have a private room with a door and a tv so I am very happy!
My red blood count has increased .4 since last week so it is now 9.9. Doctor says I no longer need the iron drips and my diet and iron supplements should do the trick.. I was excited to hear about that. It was great to talk to the doctor today about any concerns. The fluttering in my ear is getting a lot better. The fluttering was due to the lower red blood count. The doctor told me I can start my radiation the week of October 24. I have a plan in place! Yay! He says I can get my port removed the week before radiation or I can wait until after radiation is over. I vote for getting it out in October! Just two months away!
This past week I have had energy and really enjoyed the time with my family. I got to go meet the kids teachers yesterday since school begins this coming Monday. Monday is the day when I usually feel like I will die because I feel so absolutely rotten so Allen will be taking them to school that day. I have never missed their first day of school before but am thankful that Allen will be there for them. My Dad flew in last night to stay for the week and my Mom continues to make this place her temporary home as she helps us out.
I didn’t see any rainbows last night as I think it is because God knows I will be okay today. Compared to my last treatment date I am stronger both mentally and physically this time around and have always been strong spiritually. I will end this update with a song that Ansley made up and likes to sing and dance to and sometimes accompanies it with a little piano playing. She calls it “Rainbow from Heaven.”
“Rainbow from Heaven” by Ansley Whitehouse
One day I saw a rainbow in the exact same spot you are in.
And then it changed to be you.
And you were as tiny as a balloon and then you spread out with the sun all over the world (repeat)
Because you are a special rainbow you are a rainbow from Heaven. (repeat 10 times)
No matter where you go (clap, clap) no matter where you stop (clap, clap) you’ll always be there to guide me because God sent you down.
And you look over all of us.
God has a crystal clear ball that He can see all of us when He says our home.
He sends angels to make the rainbow go as tiny as a balloon and then spreads all over the Earth.
No matter where you go (clap, clap), no matter where you stop (clap, clap) you’ll always guide us.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
It has been a week now since my last chemo treatment. I am still fatigued. Food doesn’t quite fill me up or satisfy me lately. I have such a yucky taste in my mouth at all times. Yuck! I am feeling like my red blood counts are at a minimum again as the low energy and fatigue and ear fluttering is happening again. I keep telling myself to get through to Saturday because this is the day when my body becomes stronger and can start to produce red cells again. I can usually judge how I feel by what I wear (pj’s the last two days with no hair whatsoever. Just some ugly head wraps.). I just want the good days to get here again. The bad days remind me why I am going thru all this – cancer. Most days I forget about the cancer part but that is what got me to this thing called chemo. Forget the Fall. Please just bring me straight to Christmas.
On a positive note, the day where I usually feel just completely awful turned out to be a nice day. Monday was the kids first day of school and miracuously I was able to physically walk them to school. Wow. And, I was able to bring them to school the following two days as well. I was so thankful for that. I look forward to those kinds of normal days when I can bring them to and from school, energetically listen to their day, and take them to their after school activities.
I will end this by asking for strength to get through these next several days and then next several months. September will be my hardest month yet. Two treatments in one month with a husband gone traveling for work one of those weeks. Mom and Dad will be with me to see me through those weeks.
Until next time,
Love,
Kim
Monday, September 5, 2011
Happy Labor Day everyone! Here in the Chicago area the weather has finally turned cooler. For some this means pulling out the jeans and long sleeve shirts. For me this means wearing my wigs and hats without sweat dripping down my face and feeling overheated. I welcome the cooler temps! You can’t even imagine how happy I am that summer is over and that fall is pretty much here. To me no more summer means that I am that much closer to the finish line.
My #5 chemo is this coming Thursday which means Wednesday night Mom and Dad arrive back into Chicago and I get to start with my premed steroids. I have had a good 10 days after chemo #4 and have been feeling better and better by day. It has been so great to have the stamina to do the normal things again. I am so blessed to have had this time. Chemo #2 and #3 I didn’t have a lot of this happy time because I was severely anemic. After this chemo round I am still anemic but I don’t have any crazy side effects from it right now. Yeah!
My last chemo #6 is scheduled for Sept 29. So, I can officially say I will be done with ALL of my six chemo treatments in just 24 days. WOW!!!!!! This means by October 15 I should be feeling better.
I have already scheduled my outpatient surgery to have my Port Catheter removed. This surgery is scheduled for Thursday, Oct 20 (3 weeks to the day from my last chemo treatment.) I have loved having the port for ease of getting fed the drugs but to be honest I can feel the port almost everyday. Each time I drive a car the seat belt rubs on the port and gets irritated. When I lay on my left side the port gets squished and is irritated. It will be so great to have that foreign object removed from my body next month.
The plan is I will start my six weeks of radiation on Monday, Oct 24. I saw on the calendar that this is National Breast Cancer Awareness Day. I can’t think of a better day to start my radiation. I think the feeling would be similar to flying your American Flag on the 4th of July, Memorial Day, 9/11, etc… Instead it will be me going to start my radiation on the National Awareness Day. According to the current schedule I could be done with everything by Dec 2. This is earlier than I had anticipated. Yay!
I am still amazed how so many of you out there continue to help me through this in so many ways. I promise I won’t need dinners forever. 🙂 All of the dinners continue to be so greatly appreciated. The cards and gifts continue to roll in weekly. The flowers I received this past week from several friends uplifted me so much. Talking to friends at Jacob’s soccer tournament this weekend that I hadn’t seen or spoken to in a while was so great. Visiting with Allen’s Mom this weekend was so very nice.
I will close with a song that Martina McBride just came out with called “I’m Gonna Love You Through It” and it is a song about helping someone get through Breast Cancer. I loaded this song on my Kim’s Crew iPod song mix. When I listen to this song I always insert “two” instead of “three” for the number of kids. And the part about wanting to feel like a woman again isn’t because of my breasts but for me it is the losing the hair and wanting to feel like a woman again without having to wear wigs and hats. But the rest is right on. I dedicate this song to all of you who continue to help me get through this.
Love,
Kim
“I’m Gonna Love You Through It” by Martina McBride
She dropped the phone and burst into tears
The doctor just confirmed her fears
Her husband held it in and held her tight
Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38
With three kids who need you in their lives
He said, “I know that you’re afraid and I am, too
But you’ll never be alone I promise you.
When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’lll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.
She made it through the surgery fine
They said they caught it just in time
But they had to take more than they had plannned
Now it’s forced smiles and baggy shirts
To hide what the cancer took from her
But she just wants to feel like a woman again
She said, “I don’t think I can do this anymore”
He took her in his arms and said “That’s what my love is for”
When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.
And when this road gets too long
I’ll be the rock you lean on
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.
I’m gonna love you though it.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Today was chemo #5 of 6. All went great. I did not get my usual room but got another room with a view of the flowers and putting green and it was a private room with a door so that was great. Maybe at my last treatment I will get “my room.” Today for the most part I have felt pretty good. I am on top of my meds so that is helping me so much already. My friends and family helped me celebrate today. I came home after my treatment today and found the purple pinwheels lining our driveway, purple lanterns by the lights, and two huge purple flowers made out of purple and yellow balloons on our front porch. Amazing! And then, I walked into the house and was completely blown away. There was a huge paper quilt hanging from our fireplace. It was made of squares that a lot of you decorated and wrote special messages to me. I cried when I saw this. It took my breath away. I think I cry when I come home from every chemo day because I am so touched by all of the thoughtful things that are done for me. You guys are amazing!!!! I want to personally thank each and every one of you but know I won’t have the energy to do that right now so this is to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Many of you wrote me beautiful quotes and enouraging words. I had many favorites. In fact, they were all my favorite! I posted a picture of the quilt in my photo gallery for you to see.
I go back to the cancer center tomorrow afternoon for my white blood enhancer shot so I have the painkiller prescription already filled so I will be ready to manage the pains. My red blood count was the same as it was two weeks ago 10.3. (normal is 12-16.) I don’t really feel the side effects at this number but this coming week the red count will drop and then pick back up a week from Saturday. I am ready for it! I have my sleeves rolled up and am ready to tackle it head on! My doctor today saw my fingernails and told me how good they looked because at this point many people have discovered streaks in their nails and 10% of people have their nails completely fall off. So, go Kim’s nails! Way to hang on strong!
The center today was crowded. I saw a woman about 60 years old that got dropped off and picked up from her daughter who had a small baby with her. I could tell it was this woman’s first chemo visit because I overheard them telling her how in two weeks she will lose her hair and how the skin around her port looked a little swollen so she must have just had the port put in. Then, the social worker walked into her room and talked to her. That’s what the social worker does. She visits you on your first chemo visit. I felt bad for the woman because she was alone today and I made sure I smiled at her every time I walked by her room to visit the restroom. Finally on my last walk by she finally looked at me and smiled back and I waved a hello. She has the road ahead of her. I have the road almost behind me. It makes me mad that another person has to go through this. It is not fun and is scary. I feel so blessed to be where I am and only have one left. I have it so much better than others do and I know that. I pray for others going through breast or any other cancer. Seeing that lady today just really impacted me. I wanted to tell her that it would be okay but didn’t want to intrude either so I am hoping my smiles and a wave hello made her feel even a tiny bit better.
I will see and talk to you all soon.
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
It has been 6 days since my last chemo treatment. I have a few more days until the upswing will begin. Nothing is new with this treatment. My side effects happen almost exactly to the day as they have in the past few treatments and since I stay on top of all my medications I am able to control the effects. The only thing that is new this time around is that Ansley, my 6 year old, has been keeping me company during the day as she has been sick since Monday night with a fever, cough, and sore throat. As a Mom I just want to give her everything she needs to make her feel better and give her snuggles. But unforuntatly I cannot do any of that because my immune system would not like this right now. She has her couch and I have mine. She understands that she and I need to keep our distance. In another six weeks I plan to give my kids so many hugs and kisses they will have had enough. Here’s hoping that no one else in our household gets sick including me!!
I am counting down the hours until Allen comes home tomorrow night from his business trip!!
Thank you Mom and Dad for taking care of me (and Ansley) this week!
Love,
Kim
Thursday, September 22, 2011
In exactly one week I will be done with all six of my chemotherapy treatments. I cannot believe the time is almost here. I am so thankful that I am almost done. This last round (#5) was a tough one and I am still recovering from it. The fatigue is worse with this one and for some reason this week I am experiencing nausea. I have to eat every three hours to not feel bad. I save my nausea meds for the really bad week because if I take them now I cannot drive a car because they tend to make me a little spacey. Other issues that have gotten enhanced as time has gone on is that my eyes water and sometimes twitch and are in general more sensitive, my left foot has been acting up and gets a burning sensation every so often, and I have been experiencing hot flashes. My tongue and throat haven’t recovered yet so things aren’t tasting as they should and my sense of smell is completely heightened. The skunk on the side of the road the other day and filling up my car with gas was almost unbearable. The fatigue has been the toughest though because I can battle through all the other junk but the fatigue hits me like a brick wall. Yesterday I did school pick up and then ran an errand and that completely wore me out. I am grateful for the times of day when I have enough energy to feel somewhat normal. Our couch has become my friend. 🙂
Okay, so with all this yucky stuff there is a wonderful positive… my hair has started to grow back!!!!! A few days ago I noticed a very small layer of very light, fine, soft tiny hairs all over my head. You would have thought someone told me we were going to Disney World with how I felt inside when I saw it and touched it to see if it was actually hair. I was sooooooo excited! I don’t know if it will continue to grow as I go through my last treatment but this gives me great hope to know that it will be soon enough for that part of me to come back.
My Mom leaves tomorrow and returns once again next Wednesday evening with my Dad. Mom thinks she might not be able to go home in October as this will be a busy month: I will be recovering from my last chemo treatment, I will have surgery to have my port removed, and I will be preparing for and starting radiation. For me, October really is Breast Cancer Awareness month. 🙂 I hope next October I can feel a little less aware. Still aware, but just less.
My prayer for this week is that I continue to remain healthy and not catch any viruses. After the last 10 days of helping to nurse Ansley back to health (from a distance) from her having Pneumonia I am hoping the virus fairy has removed every bit of germ from our house. Good riddance!
Until next time…
Love,
Kim
Friday, September 30, 2011
Hello all! Well yesterday was my very last chemotherapy treatment. #6 of 6 now complete. I will now spend the next 2-3 weeks recovering from this one. For many reasons I hope and pray to never have to go through chemotherapy again. The nurses yesterday gave me a graduation certificate to celebrate! I wore a purple boa to celebrate! It still hasn’t hit me yet that I am done.
After coming home yesterday from my treatment I found a welcome home party in our garage. Our house had turned into a rainbow! There were tons of balloons all lined up in rainbow colors on our porch. There were plastic cloths draped on our garage door with all the colors of the rainbow. There were the purple pinwheels and also this time tons of small rainbow pinwheels. I got to walk down the purple carpet leading to our front door that had a sign that read “Congratulations on being a chemo grad! Love, Kim’s Crew.” But the most fun of all was that party in my garage. My friends and parents were all in there waiting for me to arrive so we could celebrate! I couldn’t believe it but my kids got out of school early to attend my celebration. Needless to say they were very excited. Other kids were there too and my good friend Anne who moved away over the summer was in my garage celebrating right along with me. I was so touched. Mishelle made some awesome rainbow colored cupcakes! Poonam decorated the inside with a rainbow lantern and purple star. It was a really great afternoon! I have posted pics of the party in the photo gallery so you can see.
During the last 7 days so many of my friends and family spotted real rainbows in the sky. I have posted many of these today in my photo gallery. I never found my own rainbow until yesterday when I took a picture of the outside decorations and a rainbow appeared on the picture after I went back through to look through the pictures. (This picture is the first one in my photo galley.) Thank you God for the sign.
Last weekend Carina and Delany Collins organized purple day at Ansley’s Irish Dancing class. All the dancers were wearing purple in honor of celebrating my last chemo treatment. Once again I was so touched I cried. The girls made a Flower Power poster and all the Irish dancers signed it for me. Ansley will get to keep it in her room once we are done enjoying it down here.
In about a half an hour I will go get my last White Blood count booster shot. Yes! Other than that I just need to power though these next several weeks until I gain my strength back. Last treatment it took me 2.5 weeks to recover and the doctor says this one will be worse.
I am still scheduled for surgery on Thursday, October 20 to have my port catheter removed from my chest wall. They fed me the chemo drugs, iron drips, and withdrew blood from my port. I will ask my surgeon to save it for me once he removes it. It will go in my bin of momentos that I will keep.
That is it for now. Thank you all for your continued prayers and special notes. I shall be back to myself feeling a lot better in six weeks. My doctor says the fatigue from radiation will be nothing campared to what I have experienced with the chemotherapy. I start radiation on Monday, Oct 24.
Love,
Kim
Thursday, October 6, 2011
It has been one week since I got my last round of chemo drugs. I seem to be doing okay this round, so far. I think what it really is, is that I have this thing down and I know what to expect and so far with this round there have been no surprises. Thank goodness for no surprises!
I wanted to thank all of my local friends here who have helped me this week and who will do so over the next couple of weeks for our family. One of my caregivers (my Mom) was sick this past week with Bronchitis and is just now feeling well enough to help out. My poor Dad who also has felt like he has come down with something has had to do all duties with the house, kids, me, and Mom. My husband has done his part too and I thank him for sleeping on the floor this week so I don’t catch whatever cold he has and so I can get a good night of sleep too. I am not one to come out and ask for help but when I did earlier this week you all helped us so much by bringing us meals and asking if there was anything we needed done or picked up at the store. The meals that you all have made for us has helped our family so much. When I think about all of you who stepped up to ask how you could help it brings tears to my eyes. Our community of friends and family is so giving and each and every one of you have taught me how to be selfless just by watching your pure acts of kindness.
Once I am beyond the bad times with this last round of chemo #6 I know I will gain the strength to feel the positive vibes I have held onto for so long. I promise to live my life in 2012 and beyond better than I have ever lived it before and will continue to be so thankful to each and every one of you who helped me along the way with encouragement, strength, and perserverance. I love you all.
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Hello friends and family. It has been three weeks since my last chemotherapy treatment and I am on my upswing! This one took a while and I am not even close to physically feeling back to normal again but I am through the toughest part of the recovery and it can only get better from here. I still have boughts of fatigue, am still anemic, and I am experiencing some numbness in my left foot, but all in all I am doing well. I still cannot believe I am done with all my chemo. I am so thankful. I am also thankful that my hair continues to grow in. I cannot wait to no longer wear wigs and hats. That will be the best!
Tomorrow is the day I get my port removed. I am very happy about tomorrow. This concludes my chapter of chemotherapy. The only reason I had my port was for the chemo. I can now check that off my list. My surgery is scheduled for 10:00 a.m. tomorrow at Edward Hospital. Check in is at 8:30 a.m. I am so thankful Dr. Montana has scheduled me for the morning since I cannot eat or drink anything after midnight tonight. I should be home probably around 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Please say a prayer for me that the surgery goes well.
Last Friday I had all the prep work done for the radiation. I start radiation this coming Monday, Oct 24. I will go five days a week for six weeks so I should be done by the second week of December. I don’t know the exact end date yet but that will be one of the first questions I ask on Monday. The radiation area is on the first floor of the Cancer Center. The chemotherapy area is on the 2nd flooor of the Cancer Center. I am so thrilled I no longer will need to climb those stairs.
On Monday I also start a drug called Tamoxifen which I will take once a day for five years. At the end of those five years they are talking about me taking a different drug for another five years and then possibly a third drug for five years after that. The drug will block estrogen in my body. They know that my tumor had been fueled by estrogen so by blocking the estrogen it aids in preventing any future cancers of the breast. I am so blessed to have had two beautiful children when I did because at this point in my life it is no longer possible.
My Mom is still here but will leaving to go home right before Hallloween. She will return around the middle of November since I have been told the last several weeks of radiation will make me fatigued and tender. I am hoping that I gain more physical strenth between now and the time she leaves in October so I can take over the household responsibilities that she has helped me with since April. She has been a huge help!
I described to Allen the other day how I personally feel like a nail that has been pounded a little at a time, over time, into the ground. As I gain physical and emotional strength that nail will slowly rise until it comes out completely. I look forward to the day when I can put that nail in a small box and store it away with all my other memories.
Love,
Kim
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Hi everyone,
I am home resting now. My port removal surgery went great. I feel better already having my port gone. It could be in my head but my chest wall doesn’t feel nearly as snug as it has these past four months with having the port inside attached to my veins.
When I woke up from my surgery I was asking the nurses if I was screaming out loud. They said no, you were dreaming. I said “I was screaming?” They said again “no, you were dreaming.” I then asked if I was talking out loud and they said no. This time around I do not remember my dream during surgery. Maybe that’s a good thing since I was asking if I was screaming. Must have been a bad dream. Melanie said maybe I was screaming for joy. 🙂
The doctor sent my port home with me in a bottle filled with alcohol. Apparently they don’t get the request to take home the port very often because my surgeon had to check with the hospital staff to see if this was allowable. The nurse wheeling me down for surgery kept trying to discourage me from taking it. I appreciate Dr. Montana for following through and getting it for me. The port was larger than I thought it would be.
I am not in any pain at the moment but am sure tonight I will be sore. Got my painkillers lined up just in case.
Well, I am starved so off to eat since it has been a while. Thank you all for your continued well wishes and prayers.
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Hi friends and family,
Many of you have been asking how I am doing so I figured it would be time for an update. I started radiation this past Monday. I have it in the morning so after the kids get dropped off at school I make my way to the Cancer Center. I will be doing this every Monday – Friday for six weeks. My last day of radiation is set for December 8. Yes! This is 10 days before our 10 year wedding anniversary and 17 days before Christmas. Yahoo!!!!!
The whole radiation thing takes two minutes and is painless. I am laying flat on my back on a very hard table. It is similar to laying on a hard surface like a bedroom dresser. Arms reaching back gripping handles. I asked the technician today if the radiation is turning on when I hear a light vacuum sound. She told me she doesn’t know because she has never been allowed in the room to hear it!! Little comments like that don’t make me feel comfortable. Monday was tough for me. The first day took 20 minutes as they needed to make sure I was lined up properly with the machine so they don’t accidentally radiate my lungs in the process of radiating where my tumor used to be. My neck was in pain from turning my head to the left (the bumpy hard “head rest” didn’t help) and my hands and arms were completely numb from holding them in the position for so long. I was surprised by this day being painful and felt so alone being in that room completely by myself the whole time. The feelings of April/May 2011 came back as I was laying in there seeing my name on the big screen in front of me thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I had breast cancer. What is strange about this thought is that I rarely had the thought during the time I had chemotherapy. Allen was always with me for my chemotherapy and all previous doctor appointments so I never felt alone. And when I was getting the chemo I was in conquer mode because I felt like I was proactively doing something powerful about the disease. Frankly, I felt like I was kicking it’s a$$. Now that chemo is done and there I was laying in that room that is clearly marked do not enter/radiation area I felt some crazy emotions. And when I say crazy emotions I mean I was putting scary thoughts into my head filled with negativity about my own mortality. Whenever I feel the dark cloud entering over my head a good cry and a good talk clears it up and the next day I feel “somewhat normal” again. When I ask Allen if he is sick of hearing me talk so much about BC he says no. I thank God for Allen.
Other than radiation, oh and starting the pill Tamoxifen that I spoke about in an earlier post, I am gaining my energy back a little bit more each day. Today was the first time I was actually able to RUN up our stairs at home to grab something on the second floor and not have my heart race or breathe hard. My “chemo brain” is improving and I am feeling less and less of a fog where I have had many moments where I can’t think straight or remember things. My port surgery incision is healing up nicely and is feeling better each day. My hair continues to slowly grow (it’s maybe 1/2 – 3/4 inch long) and my eyes no longer pour with water. I had lost 50% of my eye lashes and eyebrows and those are starting to grow in as well which is great. My left foot/toes continue to feel numb (not all of the time but enough that I notice it) and I am hoping this goes away in time. I am told the side effects from the radiation (sunburn on area being radiated/fatigue) will begin in a couple of weeks. I am still convinced it cannot be as bad as chemo.
I will end this note with a story about a fortune cookie. My friends and I went to lunch last week. Everyone got a fortune cookie for dessert. I did not want to eat mine and decided to bring it home to Jacob as he had been home sick for two weeks and it would cheer him up. Then I thought like a Mom with two kids and said I cannot give that to Jacob because Ansley might get upset that I didn’t get her one. So, I didn’t give it to either of them and it sat on our bedroom dresser until this past Monday when I was cleaning our room and decided to throw it out I thought to myself, I cannot throw away a fortune cookie without reading the fortune first. That would be awful luck. So, I opened it up and felt a sense of peace. It read “Good health will be yours for a long time.” I don’t know if all of the cookies that day said the same thing but for me I didn’t care because that was my sign for the day that everything is going to be alright.
Love,
Kim
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Hello friends and family,
I hope everyone is doing well. I figured it was time for another update so here we go.
I am doing really great! I have completed 15 days of radiation therapy. I have 18 more days to go and then I will be done with radiation. Other than an itchy rash on the area being radiated, I am doing just fine with radiation. I have come to enjoy the drive each morning after the kids head off to school. One of my friends joined me last week and we went to breakfast afterwards which was really great.
Every day I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger. Another big milestone was yesterday. Yesterday was my six week mark from my very last chemotherapy treatment. My doctor had told me it would take six weeks for my body to feel somewhat normal again. He was right. As the days and weeks go by those trips to the doctor for infusions seems so far away. I ask myself, did I really just go through four long months of chemotherapy? I feel a sense of accomplishment that I made it through to the other side and that I have all of that behind me now.
In less than a month I will be all done with all of my treatments (except for the Tamoxifen pill I will continue to take for five years). Thursday, Dec 8 will be my very last day of radiation and I think at that point I may start to consider myself a survivor. I will visit my Oncologist in January for follow up blood work to make sure my levels are all back to normal. And then in Feb/March I will have my first post BC diagnostic mammogram with a follow up visit to the surgeon. I will not be able to go to that mammogram appointment alone I can tell you already. I will for sure need my hand held that day.
What about my hair? Good news is my hair continues to grow in. It may be about an inch long now. I am still wearing my halo/hats a lot. I am not wearing my full head wig very much. I am thankful to be past the scarf stage. I am having fun with this and recently went hat shopping for some really cute fall/winter hats that will keep my head warm. I am guessing by the spring I should have enough hair to have a cute short haircut. My eyelashes and eyebrows are filling in as well. It sure will make putting on mascara a lot easier when I have more than two lashes to paint.
Emotionally I am in a much better place now and I hope it continues that way!!! Thank you again for all of the wonderful support I have received from all of you. The love and support given to me has been amazing and I plan to pay it forward.
Love,
Kim
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Hi friends and family,
I hope you all are doing well and had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. Mine was so great as I got to spend it with my family. It is hard to believe that my cancer treatments are coming to an end. I can now count on just two hands how many days I have left with radiation. That’s right, after months and months and months of treatments I now only have 10 days left!!! I have completed 23 days of radiation so far and will go to radiation five days this week and then five days the following week finishing my last radiation treatment on Friday, Dec 9!
The radiation is going well. I did have some pretty bad reactions to the radiation on my skin and my doctor even had to adjust my schedule to give my skin a few days off because it got so bad. I even had to treat some of the areas with burn cremes that they give patients who have second and third degree burns. I am not going to complain though as I know this is just temporary and my skin should hopefully return to normal at some point.
I am still doing really great. My Mom is back in town to help out which is really great. The new drug I have been taking since the start of radiation (Tamoxifen) has been giving me hot flashes which can be annoying but I just power through them and they pass pretty quickly. I am still waiting for my eye lashes to return. What is taking so long? I was told the eye lashes are the last to fall out and the first to come back. Up until last week they were still falling out! The hair on my head continues to grow really fast although the color is more gray than I would like to see. Emotionally I am doing great and am loving being involved in life again. I really do appreciate every bit of everything I get to do.
This weekend I was looking through some old pictures that my Dad had taken the day of my last chemotherapy treatment. There were pictures of my friends setting up the rainbow of balloons out front of my house. There were pictures of them putting up the sign and rainbow colors on our garage door. I had never seen these pictures before until this weekend. I noticed in the pictures how happy they all looked. It made me so happy to see those pictures and the fun they were having before I arrived home that day. For ALL of my friends and family: I know I have said this before but thank you to each and every one of you who didn’t ignore me and asked me how I was doing, or told me you were praying for me, or emailed me when you saw some concerning Facebook posts from me early on, or dropped off a meal for our family, or sent me a card to say hi, or gave me beautiful flowers, or just said hi as we passed on the street. I will forever be grateful for you.
My purple & pink pinwheel flower is still in our front yard and is still spinning and spinning and spinning. That flower has never given up and has always meant so much to me. I look at it every day. I told my friend (who gave it to me right after I was diagnosed) that I will take my pinwheel down on Friday, Dec 9, my final day of radiation treatment. I am sure I will shed a tear as I celebrate!
Lastly, I wanted you to know that I have added 7 new pictures to my photo gallery. One of the pictures is a picture of my radiation machine for those wondering what a radiation machine looks like. Another picture is the Cancer Center decorated for Christmas. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year!
Love,
Kim
Friday, December 9, 2011 – Last Day of Treatment!
Hello all,
Today is the day I have waited 8 months to reach. This morning was my final day of treatment. I received radiation #33 of 33 and was given a diploma of completion. Wow! I still cannot believe I am done. Back in April when I was first diagnosed this day seemed so far away. With the help of you, my family and friends, I was able to make it through to the other side. As my Aunt Shirley said today, “Praise God!”
Today has been a day of celebrations. Before Allen left for work today bright and early he gave me a hug and told me how proud he was of me and how excited he was for my treatments to end. I think he was more excited than me!
Before I got out of bed this morning I checked my email as I always do. My Dad had sent me an email message first thing this morning just like he has done almost daily since April. His email brought me to tears it was so beautiful. I reread it later in the day and it affected me just the same.
This morning Jacob said to me that today was the most exciting day. I asked him why and he said “because it snowed last night” and Ansley agreed. It had nothing to do with me – it had all to do with snow. Our first snowfall of the season happened while we slept last night. What a treat! I started my journey when flowers were beginning to bud and I am ending it with snow. What a year it has been.
My Mom left this morning to head back home to Virginia to see Dad for a few days and returns next week to stay until Christmas and then back to Virginia she stays. She left me a huge bouquet of purple balloons. The balloons said “You Fought Like a Girl” that she made using stickers. Several weeks ago at the Cancer Center she and I saw two elementary age girls who were holding purple “Fight Like a Girl” balloons that they had made for a loved one that was upstairs getting chemotherapy. I had told those girls that I loved their purple balloons.
Several of my friends joined me today to my last radiation treatment and aftewards we went to breakfast to celebrate. They are the best!! While there everyone made me personalized homemade ornaments where they wrote messages and drew pictures of things like purple flowers, rainbows, and the pink breast cancer sign on the glass balls. What a great idea!! This afternoon I went out and bought our family a small purple Christmas tree so I can display my beautiful new ornaments for years to come. I added ten new pictures to my photo gallery so check it out.
I took down my purple/pink flower windmill when I came home from breakfast. I will save it. That flower didn’t even have a scratch. It had been through rain, thunderstorms, heavy winds, and snow and it looked completely brand new, unblemished. I will miss looking out my window each day at its petals spinning even on a windless, calm day.
I spent my afternoon talking on the phone to a dear friend who called when I needed someone to talk to the most. I had come home to a empty, quiet home and was so happy to receive her call. Thank you special friend! I spent the rest of the day doing normal things like shopping, going to the dry cleaners, going to the bank, etc. I am so thankful to be able to feel normal again as there were many days when I felt anything but normal. I want to thank everyone else, including my sister Wendy and my other friends, who called, texted, or dropped off cards or gifts today. I loved hearing from all of you!
Today I will turn the page and start anew with a new appreciation and love of life. I heard a song today on the radio that was very fitting for today:
Bob Marley – I Can See Clearly Now
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Oh yes I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
Look all around, there’s nothin’ but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin’ but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
For those interested, I plan to keep my Care Pages up and running for a few more months. I will send an update in mid January when I have my follow up doctor appt on Jan 12. I will then send another update a month later after I have had my first post treatment mammogram/ultrasound (Feb/March timeframe.)
God bless all of you for being my friend. Merry Christmas!
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Hi everyone,
I hope you all are having a fantastic 2012. So far mine has been wonderful – much, much better than 2011. I wanted to give you an update with my latest.
It has been over a month now since my last radiation treatment. I visited with my Medical Oncologist last Thursday (my Chemo Doc.) They withdrew some blood from me to test my red, white, and platelet counts to see if they were back to the normal range. Good news was my red count was back to normal which means I am no longer anemic which also means as of last Thursday I am no longer taking iron supplements. Both my white blood count and platelets are still low. The docotor did not seem concerned and he said the further away I get from my last chemo date the higher the numbers should raise. My sugar levels, which were always elevated during chemo (because I was on steroids), are back to normal so that is great news!
I will meet with my Radiation Oncologist this coming Friday morning. My skin is healing up great although the area is still “tan” and will be for some time. I am just so glad the redness is gone.
My hair continues to grow. I want to say it is two inches now. There is quite a bit of grey in there. Very much salt and pepper. My doctor gave me the okay so tomorrow I am getting my hair colored. I am excited to get MY hair done tomorrow. It’s been six months since I got my hair done (“shaved”). I am still wearing my halo/hats. I do not wear my wig too often as it is getting really uncomfortable now that I have hair underneath. I will feel more comfortable with my hair once I cannot see all that grey. My doctor says over time that over abundance of grey should subside and will grow out. My hair is growing in straight, just as it was before.
My energy levels continue to increase. I still try to rest a little each afternoon when I know I have a long afternoon/evening ahead of me and that downtime seems to help. I am still experiencing hot/cold flashes. Annoying! They come on at strange times so if you’re around me and I start peeling off my clothing layers that is why. I still don’t know if all of this pushed me into menopause. Doc says if I do go into menopause then in a couple of years he will switch my medicine to another type for menopausal women. Fun times.
My Doc told me I now have a 2-3% chance of a breast cancer recurrence in my right, radiated breast and a 5% lifetime breast cancer risk in the opposite breast. Getting it again in my breast is not my worst fear as that is treatable! I know in my heart that I have done all that I can do to make sure it doesn’t come back anywhere else. I am being proactive and have modified my diet and skin care routines. Whole Foods has become my friend. Now if I can just get back to the gym… 😉
The nurse at my church is thinking about putting together a Cancer Cares ministry. I look forward to helping out in any way I can. I have a strong passion for connecting with and helping others going through cancer. When I was first diagnosed our priest did the annointing of the sick oils with me and my name was in the weekly mass bulletin under the pray for our sick section. I am happy to report that my name has now been removed from the bulletin. At church last weekend the intentions prayed for “those with cancer and other chronic illnesses.” Mass was very emotional for me last week. The songs were beautiful.
What’s next you may ask? I have my first post BC mammogram scheduled for Thursday, April 4 so it is smooth sailing until then. I feel relieved to have over two months “off”. After the mammogram I then will meet with my breast surgeon, my medical oncologist, and my radiation oncologist. They will take my blood again in May to test the white, red, and platelet counts. Then I should have a few more months off and then I will have another mammogram again, etc… We will surely hit our medical deductible again in 2012.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to check in on me! I am really beginning to feel like all of you, “normal”, again. It feels GREAT and I will NEVER take normal for granted ever. The small stuff in life is really not worth sweating over! (unless of course you are sweating over a hot flash…) Until next time…
Love,
Kim
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Hi friends and family,
I just wanted to let you all know that this morning I had my first mammogram post breast cancer and my mammogram was clear. So, all continues to be good. I believe my next mammo will be in four months. In the meantime I get to meet with my breast surgeon and both oncologists for check ups which I am sure those check ups will be great too. This Easter will definitely be much better than last Easter! Thank you God.
Love,
Kim
